I never understood the prospect of "change" past the obvious (age and looks), but, yeah, we change. Against noticing. I used to wonder around dazed for days. And while thats never exactly "changed," what I wonder about has. When I gazed up at the stars years ago, I thought about wholeness, feeling holy in the metaphysical sense, and wondering where that would get me, because I'm always thinking about the end. Now, I just feel trapped, diluted and lost. Forgotten amongst the stars. Well, I will never shine as bright as I did on every truly beautiful night, but then I never needed to feel that way, I just knew I was right.
So you understand the whole of this hole (the gap between thinking and feeling): ill explain a little deeper. Hah, punny.
While I'm not saying I'm gone, I'm so terrified the full of me, (mentally and emotionally), is lost. Wondering where I left myself; I worry retracing my steps and picking it up, (because I really can actually gather up the full of my past in my dirty and dry skin cracked hands without stumbling and dropping the most important pieces, the most important pieces of the shattered glass), will do more than just reverse my inner self, but also the world around me: my girl, my boy, my time, my effort. And everything will crumble right there, while I'm down and on my knees, all doe eyed, sad, and scared.
Because thats where I'm the guiltiest, carpet burned obedience. This is honesty in its most brutal, sickening state. Well, I told him I'd do anything to get him to stay, just for once, just for one day. And while he did, while his existence is still here, to this day, and while I still bathe in its glory, I regret dropping my innocence in all its glory.
This is where I cry out, wondering why. Wondering if theres any way, someone, maybe whom I've denied all these years, will come and save me. Yeah, come save me. Thats not a dare, I dont want to compromise your position as a holy figure. But if you're feeling apt, if you're feeling forgiving, save me. Please ?