But I really want to feel it the way I used to. I want to hurt and thrive in my misery, grow, experience. You know, every time you cry it's not the same. It's for a different reason, you feel a new pain, its never what it used to be. But I want to get close, or at least on the same caving in bridge. The one where I played as a child, rickety and old, but homing the same comfort of never changing and never failing and never hurting. You know, those bolts held on for dear life, but what for ? They couldn't have been satisfied with how they lived: manufactured, sitting on a home improvement shelf, then drilled into the ground, where they now rust and rot. But then I realized, thats just what I want: not the same fate, but yeah, the same fate. No deep change, and their life is going because of age and not pain, or pressure, and they did just their job, everything that was expected of them and maybe even more considering their life span, so unlike me.