When I was little, I heard that when it rained, it was because God was crying. So I asked my father, "why was God crying?" He said "I don't know, he is no friend of mine." The next day, at Sunday school, I asked the teacher "why does God cry?" She considered for a moment, then said "because he people sin." I didn't understand the word 'sin,' but played along as if I knew exactly what she said. That night, I went to the only person left I thought could answer my question. I prayed, and in my prayers, I asked "What is sin? And what makes a person a sinner? And am I a sinner?"
As years passed, I struggled with faith. I figured if God didn't feel I was worthy enough to answer my three most important questions, He wasn't worthy enough of me to praise Him. I considered Agnosticism, and evolution. But ultimately, nothing satisfied my desire for answers. I went to church, and became engulfed in the grace of God. I realized He never answered my prayers because the answers were inside me. And all those years, I felt he was damning me because of my doubts, it was so I would truly respect the most important gift he would give me.
Garrett, I love you with all my heart.