I found beauty last night in staring out the car window, watching as we passed lights that reflected off the pavement as the car casted shadows. I considered the shadow was me, pinned to the concrete. And I found that beautiful. Then I wanted to die.
I considered why and the answer scared the hell out of me. I wanted to stay. The fear of leaving a place I never wanted to be in was bewildering. And I felt lost. While familiarity in some ways is damning, in others is comforting.
Coming home, staring at the full moon which always lies infinitely ahead is what I want.