there it just kind of blurred.
no sense of self awareness or filtering what i felt.

what i thought was nonexistent. lost in space and time.
and now im just rambling about how I thought I was fine.
but in one fail swoop, that avenged me.
it was over nothing, like poetic symmetry.

for sure, i had no doubt he meant everything to me
but i had no idea what one day without him by my side could mean
and its hear, where I lose my self control.
tearing up, reopening that hole.
if it meant so much, why couldn't i just speak ?
instead i revel in what i know is weak

hes upset, so terrified he fucked up
after he convinced himself he always fucks us up
but thats all but true
im the reason he always says we're through
theres no other way to justify what i do.
i just hope it will always be us two.