"I had control of myself. I was caring in the most careless way. I had so much more fun. And I miss my breakdowns-they were so dramatic. Annnnd I got tons of writing. I miss it; the way it felt the world was coming down in my eerily dark and quiet room. I found refuge in it. It just became normal for me. Fake it through the day, break down at night. The first night I didn't fall apart, I was so afraid I was broken; that my body couldn't take it anymore. I was happy when I was depressed. Now, I'm so aware of my change and I don't think anyone likes it, including me. I don't think I'm even capable of tears anymore. I was comfortable with the way I was."